Freaking Out on the Inside

I've probably mentioned a few times in the past that I'm not a fan of traveling by air.  When Bryan has a business trip that involves flying I spend days before his departure and the entire time he's gone worried about him having to fly.  I've always been like this when it comes to planes.  When I was a kid, my parents would try to quickly shush my never a whisper voice when I'd sit on a plane before takeoff and ask if we were going to crash.  It's just who I am.  I worry about these things, because I feel like any flight involves a certain amount of risk.  So here I am, nearly eleven years after the last time I flew anywhere freaking out and having intermittent panic attacks because Bryan, the kids and I are getting set to fly out to California.

I don't do particularly well on the two hour flight from Philadelphia to Orlando, so I can only imagine what the five hour flight from Philadelphia to San Diego will be like.  I think my fear of flying is mostly linked to my motion sickness.  The thought of willingly putting myself through several hours of nausea where I have no way of stopping for fresh air or a few minutes of solid ground beneath my feet is pretty unsettling.  The lack of control over my circumstances is concerning to say the least.  And as much as I'd like to just call the whole trip off, I know I can't.  The kids are excited about going, Bryan is probably still in some state of shock that I agreed (even if only very reluctantly) to go out there, and one of my best friends was just so surprised that I'm flying out there that she and her husband have set us up with tickets to Disneyland for two days as well as a VIP tour guide for one day.  So while I'm totally dreading the flights, I am excited about the things we'll get to do and see while we are there.

I'm spending a lot of time these days just trying to distract myself with things that are keeping me busy so I spend less time fretting about the flight.  I'm trying to make sure we're packing the essentials that we'll need while we're out there.  We have a tendency to overpack in a big way, so I'm trying to focus on going out there as slimmed down as possible.  So far I think I'm doing this right.  Of course, the moments where I start to feel like I'm going to have a panic attack when my mind goes back to why I'm packing have been keeping me from getting the job done.  But, I'm almost done.

We're already in our second week of homeschooling for the new school year, and initially I thought we'd just leave all the work behind while we went away, but seeing how quickly the girls have been getting through most of their work, I've decided to put together packets for each of them so we don't have to completely lose a week of school.  Bryan assures us that with the time difference, we will have several mornings where we wake up and it's still going to be the wee hours of the morning on the west coast, so I figure having some work with us will give the girls something productive to do in those instances.  I also imagine they can get some work done on the plane.

This is the first time the kids and I will be going to California, so we're looking forward to being tourists for a week.  Bryan keeps telling me that I have to see what it's like to have the ocean on the wrong side.  That should be interesting.  I'm looking forward to visiting a couple of the old Spanish mission churches.  There are two near where we will be staying so I'm planning to visit each of them.

We'll be in the San Diego area so if any of you have any suggestions for places we should visit leave me a comment.  I'm not too familiar with what's out there.  Are there some great historical sites that we should visit?  Is there a particular beach we should check out?  Someone recently mentioned that there was some great shrine out there but she couldn't recall the name of it.

I'm doing my best to approach this trip as calmly as I can so I don't freak out the kids with my fear of flying too much.  To me it feels like a crazy trust exercise with God.  So on Saturday I'm going to do my best to offer up all my worries and fears and just lean on Our Lord to get me to the other side.  So do me a favor, offer up a prayer on Saturday morning and the following Saturday morning, as well, that our flights will be on time, and uneventful.

I will do my best to share lots of pictures of our trip.  I need to get back to blogging.

Time flies when you're....

Now how should I finish that title?  Having fun, going crazy trying to get the house clean, discovering that celebrating Advent to the fullest is an exhausting job, baking cookies, cleaning toilets, trying to find just five minutes to relax after all the chores of the day are finished (Ha! That will never happen, will it?).  If you haven't already guessed, life is a bit crazy, stressed, hectic and so on.

I have much that I want to blog about, but life is going ahead full steam at the moment and most days I feel as if there's little time for me to do anything other than catch my breath.

In the past three weeks we have done so many things that I want to document here on the blog, because this is how I preserve the memories I will want to look back on someday.  We've made graham cracker gingerbread houses which I have yet to take pictures of, unless we count the one I took of the one I made.  Little fingers have been touching the houses for over two weeks now and the intoxicatingly delicious smelling buttercream icing is not strong enough to withstand hungry children assaulting it.

We celebrated St. Nicholas' day with candy treats in bedroom slippers.  Ellie was incredibly excited despite the fact that she didn't exactly like the candy she got. Sigh.  She knew why the candy was in her slippers instantly while Madeline stood there trying to figure it out.  We watched CCC of America's The Boy Who Became St. Nicholas on EWTN and the girls began a Santa vs. St. Nicholas debate that got a little ugly.  Madeline understands that they are pretty much one in the same while Ellie is certain that they are two separate entities with totally different origins.  I'm trying to stay silent on the issue for the most part.  I do make comments that our Santa tradition comes from St. Nicholas and I casually mention when he lived.

Madeline was altar server for the first time on the eve of the feast of the Immaculate Conception.  I did blog about that in last week's small successes, but it deserved it's own post, if you ask me.

On Saturday we made salt dough ornaments as Christmas gifts.  I messed up the recipe and then needed to run to the grocery store for extra salt.  The girls had a good time pressing the cookie cutters into the dough.  We finally got to paint the ornaments yesterday.

I insanely decided to make a sweet bread that I found a recipe for on Karen Edmisten's blog for St. Lucia day and spent the better part of a day making a bread that we didn't like all that much.  I'm going to assume that I screwed it up some how since everyone else who has made this braided bread raves about it.  Sadly, it just wasn't sweet enough for us.  Fortunately, I made the bread on the 12th, so I had time to recover and make something that we'd all like so that Madeline could deliver cinnamon rolls to me and Ellie in bed yesterday.  Bryan even heated the rolls up before he went to work.  Let me just say that I was surprised that he sat down and celebrated St. Lucia day the evening before with the bread we didn't like and then again in the morning.

I spent most of yesterday baking cookies.  I found myself wondering why I'm always running out of ingredients.  It seems like I can't bake anything without having to make an unscheduled trip to the grocery store.  I have to say that I'm getting rather frustrated with myself about this situation.

Today I focused on stuff like cleaning the bathrooms, folding laundry, and running to the same stores twice.  I simply can't keep my head straight when I feel like I'm spinning in a thousand directions.  It was in the 20s here today so I was very upset that I had to run to the craft store and Target twice each.  That's four extra exposures to 26 degree weather that I didn't need.

I'm hoping I'll be able to post some pictures of what we've been up to soon.  I also need to remember to take pictures of the girls in front of the Christmas trees.  Never in all my life has Advent felt like it was flying by in the blink of an eye.  It's so hard to believe that we're less than two weeks away from Christmas.

Craziness Compounded

I get a little frantic leading up to major holidays and the kids' birthdays.  Something clicks in me and I have the unshakable urge to clean like there's no tomorrow.  I'll clean places that no one will ever see, like the insides of cabinets, or under, yes, under the sinks or appliances.  In short, I go nuts.  Add illness to the mix and we've got quite the an interesting hybrid.

On Thursday it was evident that Ellie didn't feel too hot.  She had a fever and her throat was hurting.  I wound up not teaching my CCD class that night so she could stay home and rest.  By the time my neighbor dropped Madeline off after CCD, Ellie had a fever of 102.3.  Anything over 102 in my girls makes me realize that we need to seek medical attention.  I managed to score a late evening appointment for Ellie with our pediatrician.  The poor girl had strep throat.  Another one bites the dust.  Two cases of strep throat in 8 days.  The good news in all of this was that I was protected since I was on an antibiotic for a sinus infection.  Hooray for being sick!  Madeline was the only one in the house who was considered vulnerable.  As of now, she's still nice and healthy.  Here's hoping she stays that way.

I'm feeling worn out.  Between the cleaning, illnesses, and my frantic need to provide perfect holiday memories for my kids I'm spent.  Madeline's poorly timed Presidential essay didn't help my stress level either.  I am happy to report that she is finished writing her essay, and I think it's pretty good for a third grader.  I had to help her with a little bit of the research and overall organization, but the words are all hers.  She even surprised me with a few of her word choices.

Tonight I tossed myself into the heart wrenching task of throwing away some of the arts and crafts projects that my girls have made in school.  Up until tonight, I have saved pretty much every single craft the girls have ever made in school.  I was beginning to worry that my house was going to go up in flames from all the kindling.  I brought myself to part with two large shopping bags full of my girls' handmade treasures.  I decided to keep the holiday themed pieces and anything that used their hand prints.  Projects where my girls' personalities were captured were also saved.  I still have a ton of stuff, but all the projects that weren't anything to write home about were tossed.  I did find it amusing to compare Madeline and Ellie's pre-K projects.  Both girls had the same teachers and are were enrolled in the same 3 day program at Ellie's school.  The result is a lot of duplicate projects.  The quirky eyelashes that my girls draw on just about every person are almost identical.  I thought it was funny how Ellie always draws sad faces on worms and Madeline always makes them happy.  I also learned tonight that I clearly underestimate Ellie.  I frequently comment that she's not as advanced as Madeline was at the same age.  I realized tonight that Ellie is a lot smarter than I thought.  So while tossing all these crafts was  sad for me, some good came out of it.

The next couple of days will be busy for me as I continue to prepare for Easter.  I'm hoping to get a lot done tomorrow so I can try to take it easy and prepare for the marathon of church going that is the Triduum.

How did Christmas Eve get here?

It's true that I have been finished with my shopping since before Thanksgiving. It's also true that all of the gifts have been wrapped and tagged since the first week in Advent. So it would stand to reason that I'd be totally ready for Christmas at this point, right? Surprisingly, I'm not. Cookie preparations and Christmas crafts have been my stumbling block. Add in some snow and the resulting messy kitchen floor (I lump my entry way into the floor since it's all connected) and you wind up with a frantic Karen.

This morning I woke up at 6AM and simply could not go back to sleep. So I did what any neurotic mom would do on the day before Christmas. I got up, spent about 15 minutes in silence meditating (which was interrupted by husband who also couldn't sleep) and then got to work cleaning and baking. I now have a batch of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies (third batch in under two weeks--this is unheard of for me), a pie in the oven (a frozen one), and a freshly mopped floor. The tasks that remain include cleaning cookie sheets, wiping down the stove top, vacuuming and laundry. I also need to formulate my covert operation of present arranging this evening and I will need to place bows on certain packages.

As of right now I feel a little overwhelmed. I need to iron our clothes for Mass tonight and prepare a baked ziti for dinner. If I didn't think the kids would balk at having pizza again (They're such odd kids, I could live on pizza every day, but they for some reason can not live like that.) I would take the easy way out and order a pizza after Mass.

Here's hoping this day is long enough for me to get everything finished and still have time to relax.

Eeek! Chistmas is in less than two weeks!

I've been chugging along all Advent happy in knowing that my Christmas shopping is totally done. The gifts are all wrapped and tagged and I'm not worrying about gift giving. That, in itself, is a great feeling.

So with the house decorated and the Christmas shopping done, one might assume that I'm having a rather relaxing month of December, right? Of course not. Life has once again become a whirlwind of activity. On Tuesday, I got an email from Madeline's teacher asking me to organize the Holiday Brunch for her class. I had already committed to organizing all the parties for Madeline's class for this year in September. I'm the room mom. I don't mind doing this, but I do mind that I was given 15 days notice. In an ideal world, the teacher would have notified me that there was going to be a party the weekend after Thanksgiving. Most people are busy getting ready for the holidays and getting asked to take off from work to volunteer at a party or send in hot food for a brunch is probably pretty low on their list of things to do. The party planning started off well enough, but we've now hit a lull and several key food items are still on the list and no one seems interested in sending volunteering to bring them to the school. So right now I'm just a little stressed about the holiday brunch.

On Thursday morning I got called to substitute for a 7th grade religious ed class. I agreed to sub and I discovered that the class was without a catechist. The teacher for that class showed up for the first two weeks of class and after that the class has had a string of substitutes. I felt bad for them. Clearly, no one was responding to the call for help in the parish bulletin for religious ed teachers. I talked to the DRE on Thursday and explained that I was going into this class with some trepidation as a sub and that based on how they behaved during that class, I would consider teaching the class. I was pleasantly surprised by the class.

They're typical 7th graders, but I didn't have any kids with bad attitudes. Sure, we had some moments where talking got out of hand, but for the most part, they were a pretty good group. I had one girl roll her eyes at me and that stopped when I informed her that I can roll my eyes, too, and have been doing it since before she was born. It always gets these kids when I call them on something they don't think I saw.

Since cell phones were a problem when I subbed for a 4th grade class last month I made sure the first thing I told this class was that cell phones weren't allowed to be on during my class, unless of course, they wanted me to get a cup of water and "accidentally" drop their phone in it. That comment alone was enough to make them all reach for the phones and silence them. They warned their friends as they came into the class to put their phones away or I was going to make them drop it in water. I can be a fun and fair teacher, but I'm not going to even try to compete with cell phones and texting.

I also made it clear to them that how they acted would determine whether or not I'd consider being their permanent teacher. They clearly were getting weary of having subs, and were surprised when they were told the old teacher had decided she didn't want to teach the class. (In fact, some of the kids were really hurt saying they did their best to be good.)

At the end of the class, I asked them to raise their hand if they wanted me to stay on as their teacher. It was pretty much unanimous (I had a couple hold outs who wanted to know if I was going to give them homework--a question I wasn't willing to answer.). So I informed the DRE that I would take the class. Ellie and I will now be spending our Thursday evenings in the company of 7th graders.

Since Thursday night, I have been busy writing lesson plans and trying to determine what I need to focus on in the class. In some regards, I'm at a disadvantage. As a convert to the Catholic faith, I never went to CCD or even a Catholic school. In fact, I stopped going to Sunday school in third grade because I HATED going there. (I used to ditch Sunday school and sit in the stairwell when I was a kid as young as 5.) All I have to go on is what I remember my friends telling me about CCD and what my husband remembers of his years in CCD. I used to quiz my friends on the stuff they had to memorize for confirmation, so I essentially learned all the basics by helping them study. So I'm not totally clueless, but I'm now entering a territory that is light years ahead of a kindergarten CCD class and is more in depth than the RCIA class that I went to for less than 6 months. I guess what I have going in my favor is I am well read on Catholicism, I'm familiar with the Bible, and I like to read the Catechism when I have nothing else to read, so I'm not oblivious and walking into the class totally blind. It's a big jump going from kindergarten to 7th grade, but already teaching this class is having an impact on my lesson plans for the younger grade. I can't explain it, but a certain clarity came to me in how I'm writing up my lesson plans for the younger grade when I formulated my plans for the 7th grade. It's funny how things click sometimes.

I'm feeling a little stressed with all the the new responsibilities, but I'm hopeful that everything will work out just fine. Now if I can just get the motivation to bake some Christmas cookies, my stress level would surely plummet.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Well, I've managed to run around the house cleaning like a crazy person and my anniversary slipped quietly away and Thanksgiving has arrived! Thanksgiving and Christmas are my absolute favorite holidays. Thanksgiving holds a special place in my heart because it always falls close to my anniversary and because it always has my favorite meal. I love turkey, Stove Top stuffing [it has to be crispy like Mom makes it] and Ocean Spray Jellied Cranberries (I can make them come out in perfect can shape, even with the crappy new can design they implemented a few years ago). And let's not forget the Mrs. Smith's Classic Pumpkin Pie and Reddi Whip whipped cream (the full fat version, nothing else will do). All of the specific brand foods are must haves for my Thanksgiving dinner to make me one very happy Karen. It's not Thanksgiving without all of those elements present.

When Bryan and I got married it was two days after Thanksgiving. Since I love that holiday so much, I decided that our wedding menu would consist of one dinner selection: Turkey Dinner. It was essentially a Thanksgiving meal with all of our family and friends. In some cases, it would be the last time the entire family was together for a Thanksgiving meal. My grandmother passed 4 1/2 months after our wedding. All of her children and most of her grandchildren and great grandchildren [at that point in time] were present. I particularly love that each year close to the date or on the date of our anniversary Bryan and I get to have the same dinner we had on our wedding day.

I am thankful for my wonderful family, friends and neighbors, the delicious foods that I look forward to eating on my two favorite holidays (I really love food.), Colgate Spin Brushes (those things are amazing for cleaning bathrooms--no idea on how they do for cleaning teeth) and having a wonderfully clean house (thanks largely in part to the Grande Peppermint Mocha Frapuccino from Starbucks that I picked up today). I realize some of the things I'm thankful for may seem trivial or downright absurd but I've been cleaning for hours, thus inhaling all sort of fumes from cleaning products and it's after 1am in the morning.

I hope all of you have a wonderful Thanksgiving! Oh and I'm thankful for those of you who read my blog and leave wonderful comments of encouragement or support. Have a great day today! I so cannot wait to have some turkey and half a can of can shaped cranberries!

This mom will be sleeping tonight!

Since I'm the neurotic mother of the year, I decided that I needed to follow up with Madeline's teacher this afternoon to make sure that we were successful in getting her removed from the BSI program.

I'm happy to report that I've been informed that a child cannot be forced into the program if the parent does not consent. That is a HUGE relief. Don't get me wrong, I think BSI is great for children who actually need it, but it's not needed or necessary for Madeline.

So that said, I'm going to take a deep breath and try to relax now. Once the mama bear in me is roused, she doesn't calm easily. It's amazing how quickly I spring into action if I perceive a threat to my child's best interest. I should probably come with a warning label that simply states: Don't mess with this mom, she's verbose, unrelenting, and quick to react.

Busy weekend

Since it rained a lot last Friday, soccer was cancelled last weekend. That meant that opening night ceremony and both opening games were wiped off our calendar. As a result, everything got pushed to this weekend. This weekend also marks the start of the new Religious Ed school year. Talk about having everything thrown at you at once.

Last night we spent a couple hours standing around on the soccer fields waiting for the girls to walk under a little carport with their team holding their team banner. It was a night that left some of us feeling a little bitter. In fact, it was kind of like rubbing salt in a wound. Madeline was on a great soccer team this past Spring. The coach was great, the families were great, and we all really enjoyed ourselves. For some reason, our team was not allowed to stay together for Fall soccer. Madeline and one of her current teammates were among the girls who were not able to stay with their coach. It was bad enough that they didn't have a coach for their team. Bryan stepped up and volunteered to coach, but it took nearly a month of constantly emailing the director of the division to finally get somewhere. That means the girls on Madeline's team were deprived of an entire month of being able to practice. Last night, we discovered that half of the spring team was still together, and in our place, were new "Mighty Ducks" families. The old team walked behind Madeline's team last night singing the team chant and blowing their duck whistles. The other outcast Ducks mom and I stood there feeling more than a little jaded as we watched our girls wistfully looking over at their old team. Even worse, we discovered that we play our old team this afternoon. Madeline has been upset that she's not on her team anymore for over a month. Our team is playing with no subs today (three of our players can't make it) against a team with great players and a lot of practice time under their belts. Madeline's team has had just three practices. I'm not looking forward to this afternoon. I know it's not a good attitude to have going into a game, but I don't expect the "Mighty Storm" to win. Madeline will likely spend a lot of time on net. She's a good goalie and we're going to need her.

I was supposed to be taking Ellie to a birthday party this afternoon, but we're going to have to forgo it. It's Madeline's first game of the season, and I need to be there to cheer her on. I'm team mom, so I think I probably belong at the game.

Provided Madeline's game ends early enough, I'll be able to rush her home to shower and get dressed so I can rush back out and take the kids to Mass. Since Religious Ed. starts tomorrow morning, I'm limited in when I can get them over to the church. If we don't get over there tonight, I'm going to have to drag them out of bed early tomorrow and take them to the 7:45AMMass. That's a scary prospect. I have a class to teach at 9:15AM, and I'm still not done preparing my lesson plan. I was up until Midnight last night working on my Flat Father Stanley's for the class. I made the prototype months ago, but I never got around to making the ones that I need for the class. I have so many things left to do before tomorrow morning. I'm praying that I don't get attacked by a pack of 5 year olds.

Tomorrow afternoon, Ellie will play her first soccer game. Her team is a pretty lively bunch of kids. They had a pretty good time playing with each other last night. I suspect she's going to have a lot of fun playing soccer this Fall.

Here's hoping the weekend goes smoothly. If I survive, expect to see some account of the events here tomorrow or Monday.

What happened to Summer?

It is dawning on me that Summer is nearly gone. In two weeks Madeline will be sitting in a class room. While I look forward to being able to go grocery shopping alone, I'm wondering what happened to our Summer break. I'm getting that panicked feeling as the impending packed calendar looms closer. I have less than a month until Madeline's birthday (Party not yet planned), the start of school for both girls, Fall soccer and CCD. Life is about to become hectic and it all starts in just two weeks.

I'm stressed because I don't know what the third grade teacher will be like. We had a teacher who didn't like my child (seriously, didn't like her one bit) for first grade. So now I worry before school starts that we'll get another teacher like her. I'm also stressed because I got an email that makes me wonder if my kids are actually registered for Religious Ed. I know several other families that got the same email, so I'm hoping we're OK, but we still don't have a class assignment so until I get that I'll continue to worry. (I'm a worrier, and I do it well.) I'm also stressing about Madeline's soccer team. We've been waiting nearly a month now to find out who her coach is and what her schedule will be. It appears that she's been placed on a team once again that has no coach. Bryan has been emailing her old coach and the director of the division that she plays in, but we still have no answers. After three weeks of this back and forth we're all getting frustrated. All I want is an answer and the game schedule so I can plan my weekends that have 2-3 obligations per day from mid-September until mid-November. I can't wait for the holiday season so life will be calmer.

For now, I'm doing my best to pack as much fun into the remaining days of Summer. My best friend and her four kids came over today to hang out by the pool. We all went to McDonald's afterwards. The kids all get along, so it was a fun morning and afternoon. Pending the weather stays nice, we'll be meeting them again on Thursday to go to the beach in Wildwood.

It's amazing how quickly this Summer has slipped away. It just seems too soon for me to have to start thinking about what the girls will wear for the first day of school. I'm not the least bit motivated to even pick out these outfits. Doing so means that I consent to the whirlwind of obligations that will follow for the school year. September and October and usually my most hectic months, and they're only going to get crazier now that Ellie is starting soccer. I better go by myself a couple of nice warm sweatshirts. This poor indoor girl is going to be sitting outside a lot this Fall.

Cupcakes before 8am

I had an essentially sleepless night last night.  Between Bryan's snoring and several thoughts that kept racing through my mind, I didn't get more than 2 hours of sleep combined.  I suspect I will be crashing sometime this afternoon.

Tomorrow is Ellie's fourth birthday and I am once more in frantic party planning mode.  I was essentially totally unprepared for this party up until last Thursday when I started to get my act together.  I'm not sure if I was just forgetful or if I was really just procrastinating and hoping that my baby could stay three just a little while longer.  Age three is my favorite age, so I'm really sad to see it end.  If I could freeze Ellie at this stage of her life indefinitely I would.  I'm still shocked at how quickly four years have passed by.  I will do my best to savor the last day of Ellie at age three today.

Since I couldn't sleep, I got up a little before 6am this morning and started working on party stuff.  I just took the last batch of cupcakes out of the oven.  When I get back from Mass this morning I will begin to decorate the cupcakes.  I'm optimistic that my decorating will turn out well.  Let's hope the finished product meets my lofty expectations.  

Small Successes

1. I'm in frantic "have to get the house ready before Madeline's First Communion" mode.  I've spent the past several days doing one of my least favorite things with regards to painting--that is painstakingly painting the woodwork.  Initially I wanted to paint all the trim on the main level, but I realize now that wanting to do that is nothing short of insane.  I've settled for painting all the kitchen and entry way trim and the doors.  Most of the doors are new as of last summer and have been in need of paint for close to a year now.  As of this morning all the new doors for the main level are officially done.  I have two steel doors to paint tomorrow.  

2. After 21 1/2 months I finally decided that I should also touch up all the areas that I missed in my haste when I painted the kitchen walls.  This morning I felt incredibly satisfied when I looked around the kitchen and didn't see the ugly "supposed to be lavender" color that the previous owner had painted the kitchen anymore.  It actually looks like I'm done painting the kitchen and I don't think it took me more than 30 minutes to do all the touch-ups.  Now why didn't I do this a long time ago?  This weekend I'm going to touch up the family room so there are no dirty little secrets behind the curtains anymore.

3. The gardens in the front yard are all officially weeded.  I still need to trim my hedges, but that's on my list for this weekend.  My bonus for weeding the garden is I now have some color on my face and arms.  Hooray for weeded gardens and not being pasty white all over!