The past two weeks Katie has been getting up early and asking if she can come to Mass with me and Anthony. Usually when I take both of them to daily Mass it's a recipe for disaster because they fight over my lap and it usually results in Anthony crying loudly or screaming. But since she's been asking to go things have been surprisingly calm. The kids are getting along and they've both been very quiet.
I find that what works best with keeping them happy is giving each of them a notebook and some crayons so they can just color and draw. But while Anthony spends a lot of time playing at my feet or just exploring the pew, he does also pay attention. Some days he watches intently and imitates what the priest is doing as he says Mass. There have even been times where I've heard him trying to say what the priest is saying. I think he thinks he's helping them out. He typically only does it when it's one of the two priests he knows best, his godfather and his "favorite priest." (Father has insisted since he was very small that he's Anthony's favorite.)
So today while in line to receive communion Anthony was having a great time singing on the way up. Katie, soaking in her surroundings was happily waving her latest drawings, until she got very serious before bowing before the eucharist just before getting a blessing. And then I notice Father motioning for me to look at Anthony who was in my arms. He was really hoping to receive communion. He had his tongue out and had this "I'm waiting" sort of expression on his face. He was visibly disappointed that he got denied. He has plenty of people who attend daily Mass who all think he already has a good understanding of what goes on at Mass. Perhaps they're right. I'm curious to see how he reacts going forward. Today was the first time I've ever noticed him hoping to receive.
It amazes me how much little ones pick up when they attend Mass frequently.
Showing posts with label Mass. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mass. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 23, 2016
Tuesday, February 23, 2016
Hearts Can Change
I posted on Friday about how I was given a note telling me to take Anthony to the crying room by someone who was obviously annoyed by him. The note had me very upset. So upset that I felt the need to write a letter to our pastor about it and at the urging of Bryan, also to share a picture of the note I received to our parish Facebook page.
On Facebook plenty of people responded in a short amount of time. Those who knew me were outraged, and several other's were also upset that someone would feel the need to leave such a note rather than just approach me face to face to discuss what she felt was a problem. There were some good discussions coming out of that post, but ultimately, our pastor asked that it be removed. By that point my letter to him had already been delivered outlining the issue and asking what he felt the best way to handle the situation would be.
This morning at daily Mass we all got to hear his response to my letter. He made it abundantly clear that none of us should have a problem with the sounds of children in the church. He also talked about how leaving notes like the one I received on Friday was not a Christian response. Posting about the incident on social media was also addressed, since he felt it had the ability to fan the flames of an issue that can cause division. So clearly the logic behind the post and it's subsequent conversation was revealed.
In all, Father's homily was top notch. He explained to those present why some parents choose to avoid the crying room, citing that it is a circus room and not a place where parents can teach their child how to behave at Mass. He addressed that it's not a problem to have a child making sounds during Mass, but how in cases where the child is wailing and unable to be quieted, how it would be prudent to remove the child for a time. That we have done, and most people we have seen with little ones have done that as well.
I felt one of his best points related to the dropping fertility rate and how as people have chosen to have fewer children, we have created a society that is less accepting of the sounds of children. He pointed out that these little ones have something to teach us and should not be excluded. Because our society has become less child friendly, it has essentially gotten many of us to a point where we expect not to be bothered by them or their sounds when out in public. He made it a point to state that when you attend a public event, such as a Mass, you cannot expect or anticipate that there will not be children or other distractions around you. He let people know that that quiet some of them expect at Mass can be found in our adoration chapel. I know that's one place I don't take my little ones unless it's empty, and if other people show up while we are there I always leave so we don't disturb them.
After Mass there was a lot of talk about the homily. Many of the people there that know me were aware of what happened on Friday so they felt as I did that the homily was very well done. I do wish the woman who wrote the note had been there this morning, but she wasn't. (I do think she sat in front of us at Sunday Mass.) Grumpy Cat Lady, however, was there. Over the past six or seven weeks I've been making it a point to say hello to her, hold doors for her and ask her how she is doing when I see her. Today as I was walking out of the church with Anthony she came up to us with a big smile on her face to tell me how well behaved she thought he was today. She even told Anthony he was really good. So hearts can change. It was such a welcome exchange and gives me hope that we will win her over in time. Bryan thinks the homily might have played a big part in her change of tone, and he might be right.
So if you're the mom of the noisy baby at church and someone says something unkind or leaves you a note telling you where you should take that baby, take a deep breath before you respond. If they don't run off as soon as saying something, tell them why you're not going to be pushed into a crying room or why you'll continue coming to the church. Maybe you're like me and you have more than one little one. On days when it's just me, Anthony and Katie, I know if I get up to take Anthony out of the church the noise level will escalate to fever pitch because Katie will then have a total freak out. So sometimes what looks like the logical choice to an outsider is the lesser of two evils. If, as in my situation, the person does an attack and run approach, write a letter to your pastor or approach him about it and let him know what happened and how you feel such a message can become a problem not just for you, but for other families as well. If you have priests who are not shy about welcoming children at Mass they may just be your biggest ally in getting the rest of the parish community to accept the little ones.
On Facebook plenty of people responded in a short amount of time. Those who knew me were outraged, and several other's were also upset that someone would feel the need to leave such a note rather than just approach me face to face to discuss what she felt was a problem. There were some good discussions coming out of that post, but ultimately, our pastor asked that it be removed. By that point my letter to him had already been delivered outlining the issue and asking what he felt the best way to handle the situation would be.
This morning at daily Mass we all got to hear his response to my letter. He made it abundantly clear that none of us should have a problem with the sounds of children in the church. He also talked about how leaving notes like the one I received on Friday was not a Christian response. Posting about the incident on social media was also addressed, since he felt it had the ability to fan the flames of an issue that can cause division. So clearly the logic behind the post and it's subsequent conversation was revealed.
In all, Father's homily was top notch. He explained to those present why some parents choose to avoid the crying room, citing that it is a circus room and not a place where parents can teach their child how to behave at Mass. He addressed that it's not a problem to have a child making sounds during Mass, but how in cases where the child is wailing and unable to be quieted, how it would be prudent to remove the child for a time. That we have done, and most people we have seen with little ones have done that as well.
I felt one of his best points related to the dropping fertility rate and how as people have chosen to have fewer children, we have created a society that is less accepting of the sounds of children. He pointed out that these little ones have something to teach us and should not be excluded. Because our society has become less child friendly, it has essentially gotten many of us to a point where we expect not to be bothered by them or their sounds when out in public. He made it a point to state that when you attend a public event, such as a Mass, you cannot expect or anticipate that there will not be children or other distractions around you. He let people know that that quiet some of them expect at Mass can be found in our adoration chapel. I know that's one place I don't take my little ones unless it's empty, and if other people show up while we are there I always leave so we don't disturb them.
After Mass there was a lot of talk about the homily. Many of the people there that know me were aware of what happened on Friday so they felt as I did that the homily was very well done. I do wish the woman who wrote the note had been there this morning, but she wasn't. (I do think she sat in front of us at Sunday Mass.) Grumpy Cat Lady, however, was there. Over the past six or seven weeks I've been making it a point to say hello to her, hold doors for her and ask her how she is doing when I see her. Today as I was walking out of the church with Anthony she came up to us with a big smile on her face to tell me how well behaved she thought he was today. She even told Anthony he was really good. So hearts can change. It was such a welcome exchange and gives me hope that we will win her over in time. Bryan thinks the homily might have played a big part in her change of tone, and he might be right.
So if you're the mom of the noisy baby at church and someone says something unkind or leaves you a note telling you where you should take that baby, take a deep breath before you respond. If they don't run off as soon as saying something, tell them why you're not going to be pushed into a crying room or why you'll continue coming to the church. Maybe you're like me and you have more than one little one. On days when it's just me, Anthony and Katie, I know if I get up to take Anthony out of the church the noise level will escalate to fever pitch because Katie will then have a total freak out. So sometimes what looks like the logical choice to an outsider is the lesser of two evils. If, as in my situation, the person does an attack and run approach, write a letter to your pastor or approach him about it and let him know what happened and how you feel such a message can become a problem not just for you, but for other families as well. If you have priests who are not shy about welcoming children at Mass they may just be your biggest ally in getting the rest of the parish community to accept the little ones.
Friday, February 19, 2016
Response to the Well Intentioned Lady at Mass
Hi,
I don't think we've ever been properly introduced, but I see you around at Mass frequently enough. My name is Karen and the toddler I often have at my side at daily Mass is Anthony. He'll be two in May.
My son really enjoys coming to Mass with me. Our church is really like a second home to him, he's that comfortable there! You see, he's grown up in this church. From the time he was six days old he's been at Mass nearly every day of his life. Typically I don't go to daily Mass on Saturday mornings since it's the only day of the week I ever get to sleep past 6:15am. But on weekdays you can find me, Anthony, and depending on the day any one of my three older daughters at the 8am Mass.
I want you to know that I'm very touched that so many of the people at daily Mass are so happy to have us around. People, who I worry I am bothering by bringing my son to Mass with me, come up to me before or after Mass all the time to tell me how happy they are to see and hear him each day and how he reminds them of their grandchildren or great-grandchildren. Did you know that the people who sit in the front of the left hand side of the church talk among themselves when they hear Anthony come in and start making sounds? Apparently they refer to him as "our baby." I didn't know that until recently. They've been referring to him as their baby since he was very small, I'm told. I actually think it's really sweet that they think of him that way.
One of the things I love about the people we attend daily Mass with is how loving and kind they are. I hope you've experienced some of the kindness and love that Anthony and I have. You, me and Anthony are all so blessed to have such great people who come together and pray with us at Mass each day. Don't you think?
I want you to know that I'm not oblivious to the sounds my children, especially the baby, make at Mass. Probably more than anyone else in the church, I, the one right next to the baby, cringe when he starts to make noise. If it's happy sounds or him singing I try to relax and not worry about it. His godfather likes to point out that Anthony is crying out to God his Father when he starts making noise at Mass. I suppose he's right. With only a few words in his vocabulary, I suppose he prays the only way he knows how. I can tell you that he knows how to make the sign of the cross. Have you ever noticed how cute a toddler is when he does that? Anyway, I digress. I know the noise can sometimes be unpleasant. But that is life. Life isn't always neat and tidy or quiet. When each of us comes to Mass we don't cease to live life for that half hour or hour that we are in the church. Those of us with years of practice and self control will obviously have a better handle on keeping still and quiet, but little ones have a hard time acting like adults, because that's not the nature of a small child.
I know you are bothered by the noise my son makes. I'm sorry for that, but I'd like to point out to you that none of us are perfect. Not me, not my son, not you, or even the priest who's offering Mass that day. I'm sure that each one of us does something that annoys someone else, and I bet a lot of us bother people at Mass, but you probably are unaware of it if you do because most people will recognize that the person who is doing something that annoys you is a beloved child of God, and that person has every right to be there worshipping God as just as you do.
You asked me to take my child to the crying room, which makes me think you are annoyed by the presence of a little child at Mass. I am sorry his sounds bother you, I really am. But let me tell you why I'm going to continue sitting right where I always sit at daily Mass. That spot, where we sit, right under the station of the cross that says "Jesus dies for us", reminds me day after day that I am broken and in need of a savior. But there's more. I sit where I do because should my son begin to make an excessive amount of noise, I can easily walk to the rear of the church and either stand outside the glass doors until he's calm or just stand next to the holy water inside the church and he's happy. I don't often leave the pew because I'm teaching my son that when we go to Mass we stay in our seat. We don't get up and walk around and take breaks. Raising little ones and teaching them how to behave is a tedious process that takes years. I don't know you, so I don't know if you ever had little ones or not. If you do have children then I suspect you know what a difficult, yet important job I have in guiding my child to become a good Catholic man someday. But I'd like to ask you if you've ever been to the crying room. Have you felt how icy cold the room is during the winter months and have you felt how swelteringly hot it is during the summer? It's not an inviting space. Also, did you know during the week that the crying room is empty? Going to daily Mass and sitting all alone in a cold room looking through hazy glass to see Mass going on down below is a great way to feel like you're not part of congregation, but rather a spectator. My family and I sit in the pews because we're raising our children, who are members of the church by virtue of their baptism every bit as much as you or I, to learn how to worship and adore their God at Mass. We've done the crying room with our eldest daughter and it was a disaster. The crying room is more like the circus room. There's no reverence and people act like they aren't even at Mass. It is not a place to teach your children how to behave at Mass.
Now maybe I'm reading something into your note. Perhaps you assumed that I didn't know there was a crying room and you've taken some inspiration from the banners listing the works of mercy behind the altar and decided that it would be a mercy for you to instruct the ignorant and inform me that our parish is equipped with one. Might I suggest in instances where you find yourself annoyed by my child or anyone else at Mass that you opt instead to bear wrongs patiently? Offer the annoyance up to Our Lord. Tell Him that you can't stand the sounds of the little baby that He loves and made in His image and likeness. Talk to Him and then listen to see what He says. I'm sorry, but I believe Our Lord is just as happy to see my baby in the church even on his most obnoxious screaming day, as He is to see you there when you are having a good day, a bad day, a day when you're just going through the motions, or even a day when you're angry with Him and can't understand why He placed whatever cross you're struggling with at that moment in your midst. He loves each of us in spite of ourselves.
If I misjudged the nature of your note, I'm sorry. I have a difficult time believing it was written with a charitable spirit, especially considering you dropped it at the place where we were sitting on your way back from communion as you left the church. And considering you didn't sign your name to it, I can't help but feel it was a bit passive aggressive. If you were that upset by the baby's sounds you could have stayed until the end of Mass and approached me to discuss it. I want you to know that you hurt my feelings and made me to feel like I was unwelcome. You are not the first person in recent memory to do this. But like her, I will treat you with kindness and I forgive you for hurting me. It may take me a bit of time to get over it, but I will. Just know that in the meantime I'll be praying for you. I pray that God will soften your heart. Perhaps you have some circumstance in your life that makes hearing the sounds of a baby happily singing bother you. I am sorry if the joyful noise of one of God's little ones upsets you, but I urge you to take it to Our Lord.
Going forward, please bear in mind that your actions and words, whether spoken or written, have the ability to hurt those around you. Your note, which thankfully I did not read until after Mass was over and after I had prayed for you, upset me so much that I left the church in tears. Those who encountered me on the way out were upset that anyone would do what you chose to do. Had you given me this note on a day when Anthony was exceptionally loud, I likely would not have been as upset as I was in receiving it today. I would like to point out to you that Anthony made no noise until the offertory. It wasn't until Fr. Pete called him out for not making the noises that he loves to hear, that Anthony made any noise. Prior to that my son was happily munching on Cheerios, which I bring to keep him quiet, and scribbling on a piece of paper.
So again, I'm sorry that the sounds of my child disturbed you. I suspect that you might be less bothered by his sounds and antics if you perhaps sat on the other side of the church where it appears to be quieter. We won't be offended if you choose to sit further away from us at Mass, just know that I plan to continue sitting in the same place, give or take a pew, for the foreseeable future. Somedays will be louder than others, I'm sure, but as always I will do my best to keep my child as quiet as I can. Unfortunately that free will that Our Lord endows each of us with kicks in at birth, so as much as I, too, would love to go to a Mass that is so quiet you can hear a pin drop, even I can't stop the baby from making noise. Know that I am right there with you in disliking noise during Mass, but when I hear a baby crying or a child loudly talking, instead of grabbing a pencil and paper to tell the mom where to go, I offer up a prayer for the child and the parent with him. It's rough being the parent of the kid who makes noise. People will turn and glare at you and occasionally someone will snap on your child inches from his face or leave a note that is the equivalent of saying: "Dear Mother, Your child is annoying and not welcome to sit with the rest of us. Please either go to the crying room or don't come here." It's not a fun place to be, but it's life. Can you just imagine if someone were to snap on the lady who reeks of perfume and tell her she should go sit outside so she doesn't bother people who can't handle the way she smells? How awful and tactless that would be! Or what if the man who says all the prayers too fast or too slow, or the woman who is singing her heart out to God and hitting every wrong note along the way were told they should go sit somewhere else if they can't say the responses with perfect timing or sing perfectly. That wouldn't be a Christian response at all and I imagine it would really hurt the person who was on the receiving end of such comments.
Finally, let me tell you why your note struck such a chord with me. It not so much because you hurt my feelings, which you certainly did, but it's because I worry that you have done or will do this to another parent. This is the sort of thing that may make a family decide that it's just not worth going to Mass anymore, or at least not while their child is still very young. Would you really want to be the catalyst that drives someone from the Church and perhaps places their soul and the souls of their children in peril? I wouldn't want that on my conscience at all. People will remember when they've been offended or treated unkindly so ask yourself before you act if what you are doing is being done out of your own selfish desires or out of a spirit of charity.
Kind Regards,
Karen
Saturday, February 13, 2016
Because I Just Had to Wonder
I tend to wonder about a lot of scenarios. They always pop into my head as just random thoughts like: If I ran out of diapers while out and the baby needed to be changed what would I do? They're almost always scenarios that could be likely but are probably highly unlikely. Sometimes I have a solution for the situation in mind and other times I just push it away and pray that I never have to find out. Today one of those scenarios I hoped would never happen, happened.
The scenario is: What would you do if one of your children vomit during Mass? My initial panic reaction revolves around how I'm going to clean it up. Our parish has hand dryers in the restrooms, so running to get paper towels isn't an option. Fortunately for us, I had wipes on hand and it wasn't like crazy full out stomach virus caliber vomiting. Anthony was asleep until the Gospel and we assumed all was well with him. He woke up, was fussy, and seemed like he just wanted to go back to sleep. Then he started acting like he needed to drink so I gave him his cup. Seconds later we heard that cough that all mother's dread and my arm was suddenly bathed in vomit.
We didn't know if there was going to be another round so Bryan took Anthony to the back to the church to clean him up while I used wipes to clean up myself and any surrounding areas he may have hit. Since Bryan came back about 5-10 minutes later and Anthony seemed like he was going to make it, we didn't have to cut out mid-Mass. The homily was about temptation and I thought it was pretty fitting since I was pretty tempted to just get up and leave after the vomit incident.
So now I know how we would handle small scale vomiting and clean up at Mass, but I have no idea and I hope I'll never have to find out how we would handle something on a larger scale.
The scenario is: What would you do if one of your children vomit during Mass? My initial panic reaction revolves around how I'm going to clean it up. Our parish has hand dryers in the restrooms, so running to get paper towels isn't an option. Fortunately for us, I had wipes on hand and it wasn't like crazy full out stomach virus caliber vomiting. Anthony was asleep until the Gospel and we assumed all was well with him. He woke up, was fussy, and seemed like he just wanted to go back to sleep. Then he started acting like he needed to drink so I gave him his cup. Seconds later we heard that cough that all mother's dread and my arm was suddenly bathed in vomit.
We didn't know if there was going to be another round so Bryan took Anthony to the back to the church to clean him up while I used wipes to clean up myself and any surrounding areas he may have hit. Since Bryan came back about 5-10 minutes later and Anthony seemed like he was going to make it, we didn't have to cut out mid-Mass. The homily was about temptation and I thought it was pretty fitting since I was pretty tempted to just get up and leave after the vomit incident.
So now I know how we would handle small scale vomiting and clean up at Mass, but I have no idea and I hope I'll never have to find out how we would handle something on a larger scale.
Thursday, February 11, 2016
When Your Crying Baby Gets Singled Out at Mass
Yesterday morning was a crazy rush to get myself and all of the kids out the door so we could make it to Mass. It was snowing a bit and sticking to the road, and since just about everyone seems to show up at Ash Wednesday Mass I knew we needed to be out of the house earlier than I normally leave if we wanted to find a seat easily. Last year we got there right when we normally would arrive and had a rough time finding a place for all of us to sit. So I decided that we needed to plan ahead this year.
We got there nice and early and Anthony got settled two pews behind Grumpy Cat Lady (I opted to give her a one pew buffer rather than sit in our usual Sunday spot and risk irritating her.). Right now there are some little pencils and some pledge cards for our annual diocese charity so Anthony has been having a grand time scribbling on the cards and not only staying in one spot for most of the Mass, but also being quiet. A pencil and a little notebook are going to be finding a home in my bag soon.
All was going relatively well. Katie was being her usual grumpy self because I didn't bring her homework, which we had forgotten about until that morning, into the church, but it wasn't anything awful. We were in good shape until the homily. At that point Katie decided that she needed to use the potty, so Madeline took her to the restroom. And that's when Anthony decided that he must yell after them. When that didn't yield them coming back right away he decided that he just needed to yell louder and louder. All the while, poor Father was trying to give a homily. But he's used to this noisy baby so he just decided to talk louder and louder until that wasn't good enough and he just needed to stop gesture towards us and say something about "the set of lungs on that baby." That was the only part of the sentence I could hear clearly. Sigh. I don't have a tally of how many shout outs Anthony has gotten at Mass in the past 21 1/2 months, but I can tell you it's a lot, and it's never any less mortifying. Father took what felt like a two minute tangent to talk about Mr. Noisy Baby who oddly enough decided to chill out and quietly drink from his cup while Father talked about how he's not bothered by loud Anthony and how none of us should be either. Part of me wondered how our friend Grumpy Cat Lady reacted to that. But then I started thinking about how while it's great to know that Anthony and his often loud cries, singing, talking and spitting/raspberry sounds are really welcomed in our church by our parish priests and even most of the visiting ones, as well as most of the people we go to daily Mass with each morning, I realized that I am not always ok with that noise.
So those words about not being bothered by a crying baby have got me thinking. I'm generally not bothered by other people's crying babies. In fact, if your child is wailing somewhere in the church, I'll send up a prayer for you because I know how it feels when you're holding the crying baby and you can feel the eyes of others on you as you try to get your little one calmed. It's not fun to be the one with the crying baby, particularly when you feel self conscious about it. It's nothing short of a dose of humility when said noisy baby gets pointed out during a homily. This morning, I think Anthony was trying to see if he could go two for two with our pastor. Almost immediately after Father started his homily Anthony started talking over him, but fortunately it was short lived.
I'm not sure if I'll ever get used to being the mom with the noisy baby at Mass. I suppose there will come a day when I might miss these days of having a noisy boisterous baby happily shouting out to God, but I think those days are a little further down the road.
We got there nice and early and Anthony got settled two pews behind Grumpy Cat Lady (I opted to give her a one pew buffer rather than sit in our usual Sunday spot and risk irritating her.). Right now there are some little pencils and some pledge cards for our annual diocese charity so Anthony has been having a grand time scribbling on the cards and not only staying in one spot for most of the Mass, but also being quiet. A pencil and a little notebook are going to be finding a home in my bag soon.
All was going relatively well. Katie was being her usual grumpy self because I didn't bring her homework, which we had forgotten about until that morning, into the church, but it wasn't anything awful. We were in good shape until the homily. At that point Katie decided that she needed to use the potty, so Madeline took her to the restroom. And that's when Anthony decided that he must yell after them. When that didn't yield them coming back right away he decided that he just needed to yell louder and louder. All the while, poor Father was trying to give a homily. But he's used to this noisy baby so he just decided to talk louder and louder until that wasn't good enough and he just needed to stop gesture towards us and say something about "the set of lungs on that baby." That was the only part of the sentence I could hear clearly. Sigh. I don't have a tally of how many shout outs Anthony has gotten at Mass in the past 21 1/2 months, but I can tell you it's a lot, and it's never any less mortifying. Father took what felt like a two minute tangent to talk about Mr. Noisy Baby who oddly enough decided to chill out and quietly drink from his cup while Father talked about how he's not bothered by loud Anthony and how none of us should be either. Part of me wondered how our friend Grumpy Cat Lady reacted to that. But then I started thinking about how while it's great to know that Anthony and his often loud cries, singing, talking and spitting/raspberry sounds are really welcomed in our church by our parish priests and even most of the visiting ones, as well as most of the people we go to daily Mass with each morning, I realized that I am not always ok with that noise.
So those words about not being bothered by a crying baby have got me thinking. I'm generally not bothered by other people's crying babies. In fact, if your child is wailing somewhere in the church, I'll send up a prayer for you because I know how it feels when you're holding the crying baby and you can feel the eyes of others on you as you try to get your little one calmed. It's not fun to be the one with the crying baby, particularly when you feel self conscious about it. It's nothing short of a dose of humility when said noisy baby gets pointed out during a homily. This morning, I think Anthony was trying to see if he could go two for two with our pastor. Almost immediately after Father started his homily Anthony started talking over him, but fortunately it was short lived.
I'm not sure if I'll ever get used to being the mom with the noisy baby at Mass. I suppose there will come a day when I might miss these days of having a noisy boisterous baby happily shouting out to God, but I think those days are a little further down the road.
Thursday, January 7, 2016
It's More Than Just How You Respond
Last Friday was New Years day, but, more importantly, it was the solemnity celebrating Mary, Mother of God. I always love celebrating Marian feast days, and this day was no different. My eldest daughters were both scheduled to altar serve the morning Mass so the Mass we were attending was already chosen for us. Katie, still had a fever from a recurring ear and sinus infection so she stayed home with Bryan while I took Anthony and the older girls. I assumed I'd have a few of my normal struggles with Anthony climbing in, on and under the pews and making some noise, but I figured if I can wrangle him by myself at daily Mass most weekdays that I'd be just fine with him for what would be an hour Mass.
Anthony is not shy at Mass. This kid will happily babble, sing, wave hello, and even participate at Mass when he can. But, he's still a toddler, so sometimes he cries and sometimes he just makes small little noises that many people seem to enjoy. He has quite the following of people from daily Mass who simply adore him and all the chaos that he brings with him. But despite him having so many fans, I still make sure I'm prepared with a sippy cup, bag of cheerios, a couple of pacifiers, and a Thomas train whenever I go to Mass to keep him occupied and as quiet and still as possible. I'm very conscience of the noises he makes and I do everything I can to make sure he's not a major disruption. Some days are good and people hardly realize he's there and other days are not so good and I hope that the noise sitting next to or climbing all over me isn't as loud as I think it is. Sometimes, those are the days when Anthony gets called out during a homily or at the end of Mass. Those shout outs used to totally mortify me, but when they happen at what feels like 50% of the Masses we attend, I've gotten used to it, but there are still times (this past Christmas Eve comes to mind) where I want to pretend I have no idea who Father is talking about, but that's hard to do when you're holding said noisy baby.
We belong to an awesome parish where most people who approach me about my kids and their antics have very nice and encouraging things to say. And some of the ones who do come up to comment on the noise do it in such a lighthearted way that I'm never upset about it. I am aware that there are a few people at daily Mass who are less than thrilled about some of Anthony's noises, but aside from a glance or a sharp look when he's particularly vocal, they've never felt the need to approach me about it.
This past Friday, however, was different. I always sit in the same pew for Sunday Mass and holy days of obligation. So when we got to the church, the girls went to the sacristy to get ready to altar serve and Anthony and I went and sat in our usual spot. The spot that had the lady my kids call Grumpy Cat Lady, because she looks like Grumpy Cat from those memes, sitting in the pew right in front of where we sit. Several months ago Bryan pointed out to me that this particular woman has a habit of moving from her pew to another pew across the church anytime Anthony is behind her. The first several times she did it, I never noticed. I would see her in the pew, kneel down to pray and when I was finished the pew would either be empty or someone different would be sitting there. I always assumed that she was there from a prior Mass and had just left after she finished praying. Then there was the day when I finished praying and Bryan, looking annoyed, leaned over and told me that she moved again and told the woman next to her that Anthony was a screamer. At that particular Mass, Anthony didn't make a single sound. She turned and looked at us when we slipped into the pew and was visibly annoyed, so I wondered if she was going to move away from us. While I prayed before Mass, Anthony walked along the kneeler and the backs of my legs and quietly hummed what sounded like the Alleluia. It was a sweet happy little sound that was fairly quiet for him. He wedged himself between me and the back of the pew ahead of me while I was still kneeling and that's when I heard a growling "Shhhh!" which snapped me out of praying and caused me to look up. It was followed by a grumbling "Be quiet!" right in Anthony's face. My first thought was that she wasn't serious since he wasn't loud and he wasn't crying. She turned back, obviously annoyed and in a huff. Within a minute she had decided to pick up and move across the church and up a couple of pews.
Her actions just left me washed in emotions. I was hurt that she felt the need to so angrily snap at the baby. And then I started to feel very annoyed that she even thought that it was ok to do it which made me start to wonder how many people she's done this to before. Were we the only ones or have other families had her snap at their children or been made to feel unwelcome by her practice of getting up and moving away from them in a very obvious manner. Then I started to think about how I would have felt and reacted if this had happened when Madeline or Ellie were his age. I likely would have left the church right away horribly embarrassed and would have thought twice about going back for a long time if at all. I know it would have made me cry.
I know that not everyone has to like the sounds of children at Mass, but how you respond to those things that annoy or distract you at Mass affects those around you. Based on people coming up to me after the Mass and making overly kind comments about Anthony, I suspect her growling at the baby and subsequent relocation was noticed by those around me. I don't have the answer for the right way to approach the parent of a noisy child, because I also don't know how to tell the gossiping old ladies who chatter before and sometimes during Mass to zip it because they're bothering me. I also don't know how to tell the people who come to Mass doused in a bottle of smelly perfume that makes me feel sick to my stomach to lay off the scent. And, I also have no idea how to tell the people who either say the responses too fast, too slow or incorrectly to get with the program and say them right and on time. Do you know why I don't know the answers to those situations? It's because there are no tactful ways to tell someone that you find their presence at Holy Mass annoying. Responding rudely to someone at Mass may just be the thing that sends them out the door never to return. If you make it clear to someone that their presence at Mass is annoying and unwelcome they make take your hint and not come back. Would you want that on your conscience? I know I wouldn't.
Now I don't know why this woman is so grouchy about kids. Maybe she never had any or she just doesn't like children at all. Maybe seeing or hearing little kids reminds her that she has grandchildren that she never sees. A lot of people come up and tell me about their grandchildren that they never see or that parents never go to Mass and how they wish they would take them. So maybe she has a personal issue and Anthony strikes a nerve that hits a little too close to home. But we all have crosses to bear and lashing out at someone because their presence makes your cross a bit more difficult to carry in that moment isn't going to make anything better. I know for me personally there are times when I am sharply reminded of one of my crosses, but I can't take it out on someone else just because it upsets me. In those moments, I bring it to Our Lord and let him know why I'm upset, but I don't move away from what's upsetting me because I believe that it was placed before me for the benefit of helping me to grow in holiness.
So ultimately what I'm trying to say here is this: If you have a problem with the presence of a noisy baby, before confronting the parent or the baby about it stop and take a few moments to bring it to Our Lord. Tell Him that the annoying child that He created is getting on your last nerve. Tell Him why you find that child of God so repugnant and then take a few moments to see what He has to say. Then take a few moments and ask yourself if you might just be overreacting. Maybe you're justified in saying something, maybe you're not. Perhaps, this moment is a test. You could perhaps see it as a moment to bear a wrong patiently. Chances are the baby isn't doing it to annoy you, he's just doing it because he's little and he's testing out his God-given free will probably much to his parents' dismay. It's even possible that that mother sitting all by herself with an energetic toddler who treats the church like it's his second home is incredibly self conscious about every single sound her child is making, even the ones you don't hear. Mass with little ones can be very exhausting. It's an hour packed with trying to contain a little one who wants to run, climb, crawl, yell, sing and explore a very curious building filled with many new faces. It's enough to leave you feeling like you need a nap afterwards. While lashing out at the parent or baby might make you feel vindicated or triumphant, I can assure you that it will be remembered by the parent long past when you've forgotten what you've said.
Anthony is not shy at Mass. This kid will happily babble, sing, wave hello, and even participate at Mass when he can. But, he's still a toddler, so sometimes he cries and sometimes he just makes small little noises that many people seem to enjoy. He has quite the following of people from daily Mass who simply adore him and all the chaos that he brings with him. But despite him having so many fans, I still make sure I'm prepared with a sippy cup, bag of cheerios, a couple of pacifiers, and a Thomas train whenever I go to Mass to keep him occupied and as quiet and still as possible. I'm very conscience of the noises he makes and I do everything I can to make sure he's not a major disruption. Some days are good and people hardly realize he's there and other days are not so good and I hope that the noise sitting next to or climbing all over me isn't as loud as I think it is. Sometimes, those are the days when Anthony gets called out during a homily or at the end of Mass. Those shout outs used to totally mortify me, but when they happen at what feels like 50% of the Masses we attend, I've gotten used to it, but there are still times (this past Christmas Eve comes to mind) where I want to pretend I have no idea who Father is talking about, but that's hard to do when you're holding said noisy baby.
We belong to an awesome parish where most people who approach me about my kids and their antics have very nice and encouraging things to say. And some of the ones who do come up to comment on the noise do it in such a lighthearted way that I'm never upset about it. I am aware that there are a few people at daily Mass who are less than thrilled about some of Anthony's noises, but aside from a glance or a sharp look when he's particularly vocal, they've never felt the need to approach me about it.
This past Friday, however, was different. I always sit in the same pew for Sunday Mass and holy days of obligation. So when we got to the church, the girls went to the sacristy to get ready to altar serve and Anthony and I went and sat in our usual spot. The spot that had the lady my kids call Grumpy Cat Lady, because she looks like Grumpy Cat from those memes, sitting in the pew right in front of where we sit. Several months ago Bryan pointed out to me that this particular woman has a habit of moving from her pew to another pew across the church anytime Anthony is behind her. The first several times she did it, I never noticed. I would see her in the pew, kneel down to pray and when I was finished the pew would either be empty or someone different would be sitting there. I always assumed that she was there from a prior Mass and had just left after she finished praying. Then there was the day when I finished praying and Bryan, looking annoyed, leaned over and told me that she moved again and told the woman next to her that Anthony was a screamer. At that particular Mass, Anthony didn't make a single sound. She turned and looked at us when we slipped into the pew and was visibly annoyed, so I wondered if she was going to move away from us. While I prayed before Mass, Anthony walked along the kneeler and the backs of my legs and quietly hummed what sounded like the Alleluia. It was a sweet happy little sound that was fairly quiet for him. He wedged himself between me and the back of the pew ahead of me while I was still kneeling and that's when I heard a growling "Shhhh!" which snapped me out of praying and caused me to look up. It was followed by a grumbling "Be quiet!" right in Anthony's face. My first thought was that she wasn't serious since he wasn't loud and he wasn't crying. She turned back, obviously annoyed and in a huff. Within a minute she had decided to pick up and move across the church and up a couple of pews.
Her actions just left me washed in emotions. I was hurt that she felt the need to so angrily snap at the baby. And then I started to feel very annoyed that she even thought that it was ok to do it which made me start to wonder how many people she's done this to before. Were we the only ones or have other families had her snap at their children or been made to feel unwelcome by her practice of getting up and moving away from them in a very obvious manner. Then I started to think about how I would have felt and reacted if this had happened when Madeline or Ellie were his age. I likely would have left the church right away horribly embarrassed and would have thought twice about going back for a long time if at all. I know it would have made me cry.
I know that not everyone has to like the sounds of children at Mass, but how you respond to those things that annoy or distract you at Mass affects those around you. Based on people coming up to me after the Mass and making overly kind comments about Anthony, I suspect her growling at the baby and subsequent relocation was noticed by those around me. I don't have the answer for the right way to approach the parent of a noisy child, because I also don't know how to tell the gossiping old ladies who chatter before and sometimes during Mass to zip it because they're bothering me. I also don't know how to tell the people who come to Mass doused in a bottle of smelly perfume that makes me feel sick to my stomach to lay off the scent. And, I also have no idea how to tell the people who either say the responses too fast, too slow or incorrectly to get with the program and say them right and on time. Do you know why I don't know the answers to those situations? It's because there are no tactful ways to tell someone that you find their presence at Holy Mass annoying. Responding rudely to someone at Mass may just be the thing that sends them out the door never to return. If you make it clear to someone that their presence at Mass is annoying and unwelcome they make take your hint and not come back. Would you want that on your conscience? I know I wouldn't.
Now I don't know why this woman is so grouchy about kids. Maybe she never had any or she just doesn't like children at all. Maybe seeing or hearing little kids reminds her that she has grandchildren that she never sees. A lot of people come up and tell me about their grandchildren that they never see or that parents never go to Mass and how they wish they would take them. So maybe she has a personal issue and Anthony strikes a nerve that hits a little too close to home. But we all have crosses to bear and lashing out at someone because their presence makes your cross a bit more difficult to carry in that moment isn't going to make anything better. I know for me personally there are times when I am sharply reminded of one of my crosses, but I can't take it out on someone else just because it upsets me. In those moments, I bring it to Our Lord and let him know why I'm upset, but I don't move away from what's upsetting me because I believe that it was placed before me for the benefit of helping me to grow in holiness.
So ultimately what I'm trying to say here is this: If you have a problem with the presence of a noisy baby, before confronting the parent or the baby about it stop and take a few moments to bring it to Our Lord. Tell Him that the annoying child that He created is getting on your last nerve. Tell Him why you find that child of God so repugnant and then take a few moments to see what He has to say. Then take a few moments and ask yourself if you might just be overreacting. Maybe you're justified in saying something, maybe you're not. Perhaps, this moment is a test. You could perhaps see it as a moment to bear a wrong patiently. Chances are the baby isn't doing it to annoy you, he's just doing it because he's little and he's testing out his God-given free will probably much to his parents' dismay. It's even possible that that mother sitting all by herself with an energetic toddler who treats the church like it's his second home is incredibly self conscious about every single sound her child is making, even the ones you don't hear. Mass with little ones can be very exhausting. It's an hour packed with trying to contain a little one who wants to run, climb, crawl, yell, sing and explore a very curious building filled with many new faces. It's enough to leave you feeling like you need a nap afterwards. While lashing out at the parent or baby might make you feel vindicated or triumphant, I can assure you that it will be remembered by the parent long past when you've forgotten what you've said.
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
Targeted Homilies
There are lots of times when I'm at Mass where I feel like the homily is so specific that it seems as if it's practically targeted at me. Most of the time it doesn't bother me because the topic is still broad enough that it's not like it has completely zeroed in and locked on me as it's specific target. And let's be real, no one is writing a homily with me in mind, at least I hope they're not. I suspect those homilies that seem to really hit home are just the Holy Spirit at work trying to make sure I get the point. That wouldn't surprise me given how stubborn I can be.
So the point of this is simply that I've noticed this less than awesome trend where I go to confession, which is pretty much every other week for the most part, and a few days or even a week later a homily comes along that is so close to what I was told by the priest in the confessional that I'm left wondering if perhaps Father thought I wasn't really listening to what he said the first time around. (99% of the time I really am listening and spend days afterward reflecting on it. Putting it into practice, however, is another story.) But mostly, I find my thoughts drifting towards wondering if the look on my face matches the internal cringing feeling that washes over me. Even more uncanny is how well the readings for Mass also seem to fall into place with reiterating whatever it was that I was told in the confessional. Is this all just mere happenstance, or is there something more going on?
Whether it's deliberate or pure coincidence I will say that I certainly drives home the point. Who knows maybe I'm such a frustrating work in progress that I'm not the only one who thinks I make the most painfully slow spiritual progress.
What I found interesting at Mass this morning was how the homily appeared to be expounding on a couple of points that were mentioned to me on Saturday. In particular, how using Mass almost as an escape to a bit of peace in my otherwise frenetic day isn't the right way of approaching it, even if it is essentially what keeps me focused and centered on my end goal. So if nothing else, more clarity was given, which is probably a good thing.
So the point of this is simply that I've noticed this less than awesome trend where I go to confession, which is pretty much every other week for the most part, and a few days or even a week later a homily comes along that is so close to what I was told by the priest in the confessional that I'm left wondering if perhaps Father thought I wasn't really listening to what he said the first time around. (99% of the time I really am listening and spend days afterward reflecting on it. Putting it into practice, however, is another story.) But mostly, I find my thoughts drifting towards wondering if the look on my face matches the internal cringing feeling that washes over me. Even more uncanny is how well the readings for Mass also seem to fall into place with reiterating whatever it was that I was told in the confessional. Is this all just mere happenstance, or is there something more going on?
Whether it's deliberate or pure coincidence I will say that I certainly drives home the point. Who knows maybe I'm such a frustrating work in progress that I'm not the only one who thinks I make the most painfully slow spiritual progress.
What I found interesting at Mass this morning was how the homily appeared to be expounding on a couple of points that were mentioned to me on Saturday. In particular, how using Mass almost as an escape to a bit of peace in my otherwise frenetic day isn't the right way of approaching it, even if it is essentially what keeps me focused and centered on my end goal. So if nothing else, more clarity was given, which is probably a good thing.
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