I've got some weird kids. These are the kind of kids that say things that are embarrassing or just plain wrong in front of strangers or worse, people that we know. Last night was one of those nights where each of the girls had a little gem to share.
Madeline went to soccer practice with Bryan last night while Ellie and I stayed at home. I like to goof around with the girls and sometimes I'll pretend I have no idea who they are and give them a new name. This game works well for those times when I can't remember the name of the child in front of me. They think I'm playing when really I momentarily forgot her name. Last night Ellie was doing something goofy on the kitchen floor where her tush was up in the air. So I ran in picked her up upside down and proceeded to call her Spot. Spot decided to play along and transformed herself from a little girl into a puppy. Fair enough. Then, I ordered food from our favorite pizza place. We continued the game a little while longer and then I decided to acknowledge Spot as Ellie. She was acting like a human and I thought all was well. Then, the doorbell rang. When I went to get the food from the delivery guy, Ellie followed me. She proudly told the delivery guy that "My mommy calls me Spot, but I don't have any spots!" He laughed and I had one of those face to palm moments. Ellie happily darted to the back of the house giggling. I had no words for the delivery guy. What could I say?
Ten minutes later, Bryan and Madeline were home. It was chilly and windy last night so I had two hungry red faced people standing in my kitchen. I related my pizza story to them and explained to Bryan that we will probably be labeled weirdos the next time we go to Rustico for dinner if the delivery guy spots us. I did give the delivery guy a nice tip in hopes that he would forget the "Spot incident." Bryan felt my story wasn't quite as bad as what Madeline had uttered during practice. In front of people that we know and will know for years to come, Madeline announced that she "got kicked in the nuts." Are you kidding me? We don't talk like that in our house so I know she didn't learn that here. I'm fairly certain that she picked that gem up either at school or from the many boys that live on our street. One of the other dads from the soccer team told Bryan that he needs to have a talk with Madeline. Clearly my child is gender confused. This incident wouldn't be so bad if this same child hadn't come to me a couple of months ago claiming to have another piece of male anatomy. (I kid you not!)
In the grand scheme of things, I think Madeline's comments won the prize for the most outlandish thing that could be uttered on a Friday night in front of people who are not your immediate family. These are the comments from which embarrassing boyfriend repellent stories will be made.