Saturday, January 16, 2010
Think I'm being tested?
I think my attendance at Mass each week has hit a point where it's a test. A test of my patience, a test of my ability to endure, a test to see if maybe, just maybe this will be the week that I lose it (either laughing out loud at something that's not funny, or scolding my child loudly). Ellie appears to be my quizmaster in this realm of my life.
I'm pretty sure I've hit a point where I'm not allowed to have any peace while I'm at church. I find this funny in a not so funny way. I go there for peace, but clearly, I'm not intended to have it at present.
I've been home for about 45 minutes now after enduring my weekly test of patience called Mass. Ellie humors me and is good for the first 15-20 minutes that we're there. Once Mass begins she starts to work her magic. Running her fingers along the missal covers to make an annoying sound during the opening prayer? Check! Wiggling all over and shoving her books in my face during the first and second readings? You've got it! Ahh, the Gospel. Now it's time to break out the big guns! Jumping around and swinging her rosary around is the perfect way to distract mom! If you can involve you sister by irritating her, too, that adds a little more fun. The homily is where we really get to have some fun. If Father is talking then it makes perfect sense that Ellie should be find something to complain about. After that, it's time to sit on Mom's lap, kiss her loudly and then start making goofy faces and putting your hands all over Mom's face in a way that will totally irritate her. And keep in mind that Mom is desperately trying to pay attention to the homily amid all the distractions, and it doesn't help when the priest says a phrase that she remembered reading on The Crescat and has to suppress laughter, too [during a homily about abortion--absolutely not a funny topic]. By the time the Liturgy of the Eucharist rolls around we're in good shape to see just how frazzled Mom has become. The consecration is where Ellie wheels out the best she can dish out. At one point, frustrated Mom, desperate to get Ellie to just kneel and be quiet, pushed her forward a little too hard and she hit her head (loudly) on the pew. Ugh, surely everyone who witnessed and heard that probably think I'm the monster mom. There were lots of other annoyances, too. My child decided to loudly fart a few times and laugh about it. I wanted to disappear.
I'm now thoroughly exhausted. I did not get the peace I sought. Instead, I spent time trying to hone patience and praying that God would grant me more patience. If it could arrive before 4:30 Mass next week, I'd be really happy. I am starting to wonder if maybe I should be asking God to grant me a child who can calmly attend Mass, of course, given the sense of humor God seems to have when it comes to me, that would probably not come in the form of a clam and obedient Ellie, but rather, another child. God only knows if I'd have enough patience for three.