Which end is up?

This past week I feel like I've been spinning in many directions.  I'm getting things accomplished but at the same time I don't feel like I'm doing enough.  I'm just having a week where I feel conflicted.

The realization that school starts up in a month has been on my mind.  On many levels I'm questioning why I'm not attempting to homeschool this year.  At the same time, I'm questioning whether homeschooling next year is really the best decision for our family.  I just don't know what to do.  After the week I spent teaching VBS and talking to the parents who send their children to the local parish school I'm not convinced that it's worth $7,000 to send my girls there.  If the Catholic school is off the table as an option that leaves me with the choices of homeschooling or public school.  I like the idea of having my kids at home and doing things when we want to do them.  I also like having my sanity.  I think I have a lot of soul searching to do on this one.

I've spent time organizing the house trying to create more space.  Soon we hope to section off part of the basement and build Bryan a new office.  When that happens we'll have a spare room upstairs.  I have a few ideas in mind for that room.

In the midst of all the stuff I'm doing, I'm actually procrastinating.  I have been dragging my feet on writing up lesson plans for my CCD classes.  I have lots of ideas bouncing around in my head but I just haven't gotten around to typing them up and gathering the necessary resources.  I still haven't even finished coloring in the bingo cards I started last August.  That is some serious procrastination.

On Saturday we went to a pool party at my cousin's house.  It's the first time I've seen many family members since my Aunt Florence's passing.  We had a good time, but it was obvious that she was missing.  She is sorely missed by many.

While heading to that party we took a different route to avoid traffic. In taking this new route we stumbled across the cemetery my uncle, who passed away less than three weeks ago, wanted for his final resting place.  Members of our family and the funeral home looked into getting him buried there and nothing came of it.  We wound up burying him somewhere else closer to where I grew up.  I was stunned when I saw that there were newer grave sites in this cemetery and even a new section.  When I told my father about it at the party he seemed like he was in disbelief.

Because both of my parents have lost a sibling within the past two and a half months life has just seemed suspended in a way.  Both are grieving.  One is grieving the loss of a sibling who was incredibly close and the other is grieving a sibling who interacted with us on a minimal basis.  Both losses were unexpected and too soon.

In the past week it's been determined that a vacation is not happening for us this fall.  I talked before about how our Disney vacation got screwed up because of poor customer service.  Then we decided that we'd go to Williamsburg, VA.  That idea fizzled quickly because the interest in going faded fast for everyone but me.  Then Disney sent me another offer that was almost as good as the first.  Bryan made reservations and we were mulling over the idea of going.  We decided it would be best not to tell the kids in case we needed to change our plans.  Just when we decided we were going for sure (still hadn't told the kids) Bryan finds out he has a meeting he must attend the very week the kids have off for the NJ teacher's convention.  Our vacation is not going to happen now.

Since our vacation plans have been tabled, other plans have been rearranged.  I had been putting off some life changing plans for the sole purpose of feeling good while on our trip.  I also like going on Space Mountain when I'm in Disney World and my husband can be a stickler for certain advisory warnings when specific conditions are present.  The sudden change in plans has my head reeling.  Add to that the fact that my husband has a few business trips in the works that may possibly fall on inconvenient dates for the plans at hand.

Yesterday my best friend and her kids came over and spent the day with us.  Originally I was going to watch her four kids while she visited with her sister and new nephew who is in the NICU.  Her sister felt unwell yesterday so the hospital visit was put off for the sake of the baby.  My kids had a blast playing with her kids and I really enjoyed sitting by the pool and talking to my friend all afternoon.  I'm a little sunburnt but it's worth it to catch up with my friend.  We decided by the end of our visit that we need to get together for lunch during the school year once a month.  I don't think I've had a kid free lunch with a friend in nearly nine years.

I feel like so much is going on around me and it's almost more than I can adequately process.  I'm hoping things will calm down soon, but something tells me that's unlikely.